Beltway Snark

Joe Biden is a great man. He has accomplished something that nobody thought could be done; he united Sunnis and Shia to work toward a common goal. How did he do such a great feat of diplomacy? He proposed a plan for Iraq so stupid and loathsome that Sunnis and Shia laid aside their differences in order to keep it from happening.

Across racial and religious boundaries, Iraqi politicians on Saturday bemoaned Democratic presidential contender Barack Obama’s choice of running mate, known in Iraq as the author of a 2006 plan to divide the country into ethnic and sectarian enclaves…

Ezzet al-Shabender, a member of parliament from the secularist Iraqi List of former prime minister Ayad Allawi, actually credited the broad-based disgust triggered by Biden’s proposal for helping Iraqi politicians bury their differences.

“His project was the reason behind the unity of many political blocs that once differed in viewpoints,” he said, comparing it to the Balfour Declaration, a 1917 British note that backed the creation of Israel and is regarded across the Arab world as the ultimate colonial injustice.

“Such a person, if he would assume the vice-presidency post, would not serve to improve Iraq-USA relations.”

Yes, Joe Biden truly is a master of foreign relations. He also had a kick-ass plan for Iran right after 9/11 that was unfortunately shot down.

At the Tuesday-morning meeting with committee staffers, Biden launches into a stream-of-consciousness monologue about what his committee should be doing, before he finally admits the obvious: “I’m groping here.” Then he hits on an idea: America needs to show the Arab world that we’re not bent on its destruction. “Seems to me this would be a good time to send, no strings attached, a check for $200 million to Iran,” Biden declares. He surveys the table with raised eyebrows, a How do ya like that? look on his face.

The staffers sit in silence. Finally somebody ventures a response: “I think they’d send it back.” Then another aide speaks up delicately: “The thing I would worry about is that it would almost look like a publicity stunt.” Still another reminds Biden that an Iranian delegation is in Moscow that very day to discuss a $300 million arms deal with Vladimir Putin that the United States has strongly condemned. But Joe Biden is barely listening anymore. He’s already moved on to something else.

Yes, what a wonderful world we would live in if Joe Biden was in charge of our foreign policy.

PS – Why is it I get the feeling that Biden really wasn’t Obama’s first choice? Why do I also get the feeling Obama’s first choice got dropped because he got caught makin’ whoppee with his videographer?